When pastor Lamar Hardwick was diagnosed with autism at age 36, it was like he was meeting himself for the first time.

“I spent my whole life not knowing what people wanted from me, what they expected from me,” Hardwick told Religion News Service in a Zoom call from his home in Georgia. “When I was diagnosed, it was like for the first time I understood I was human.”

This diagnosis proved to be a turning point in Hardwick’s life, sparking a journey of self-discovery that would unfold in ways he never anticipated. Following his life-changing revelation, Hardwick began writing about his experiences, blending his faith and autism into thoughtful blog posts. His writing quickly gained attention, and through the power of social media, he adopted the moniker given to him by one of his new online followers: The Autism Pastor. This newfound identity catapulted Hardwick into speaking engagements at national conferences, book deals, and an influential role within the faith community. Even as he balanced these new responsibilities with pastoring a church, pursuing a Doctor of Ministry degree, and eventually embarking on a Ph.D., Hardwick never lost his passion for ministering directly to those on the autism spectrum. His profound impact on both his congregation and the broader community is evident; described by friends and colleagues as “brilliant” and “surprisingly funny,” Hardwick also gained a reputation for his dynamic and engaging sermons.

“He’s soft-spoken, until he’s preaching,” said Larry Asplund, a fellow pastor who worked closely with Hardwick.

However, Hardwick’s path hasn’t been without challenges. In a heartbreaking twist, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, a diagnosis that forced him to retire from his church at the age of 45. Despite the physical toll of chemotherapy and his battle with cancer, Hardwick’s faith has remained unshaken, and he has used this challenging season to continue his work as a writer. His next book, How Ableism Fuels Racism: Dismantling the Hierarchy of Bodies in the Church, is set to be released from Brazos Press later this month, with two additional books already in the works.

Hardwick’s early life was marked by a unique set of experiences that helped shape his view of the world. Born in Killeen, Texas, his childhood was disrupted by frequent moves due to his father’s dual career as a Missionary Baptist Church pastor and a U.S. Army member. One of these moves included nearly four years in Germany, a period that further isolated Hardwick as he grappled with social challenges that went unnoticed due to his undiagnosed autism.

“It felt like the whole world was in on an inside joke that I didn’t get,” Hardwick explained.

In his church community, the predictable rhythms of worship—Communion on the first Sunday, choir practice on Wednesdays, and Sunday school—brought a sense of stability. However, autism and other disabilities were rarely addressed in his historically Black church context. The only mention of disability was the “sick and shut-in list,” which was often found at the back of the church bulletin.

Though academically gifted, Hardwick struggled socially during his high school years. In an attempt to fit in and mask his social discomfort, he turned to drugs and alcohol.

“What I discovered was, the only way to be … a ‘people person’ that people thought I should be was when I was in an altered state,” Hardwick said. He explained that the use of substances made him less vulnerable to bullying, a coping mechanism he would later abandon. “Fortunately, I hit a wall where I realized that this is not a long-term strategy,” he said.

That wall came during his first year at Concordia University Wisconsin, when a car accident forced Hardwick to confront the chaos he had brought into his own life. He referred to the accident as his “Jonah experience,” believing that it was a divine intervention to grab his attention and encourage him to acknowledge the consequences of his actions.

“I think that was one of the ways that God caught my attention,” Hardwick said, recalling the moment he realized how his life impacted those around him.

One of those individuals was Isabella, whom he later married. She became one of his most influential spiritual guides during this transformative time. With her support, Hardwick made a profound shift, turning away from drugs and alcohol while developing a deeper understanding of his relationship with God. For the first time, he began to view God as a personal presence who cared about him.

Afterward, Hardwick felt a strong call to ministry. He enrolled at the Candler School of Theology at Emory University and soon began working as a youth pastor at New Community Church in LaGrange, Georgia. Within a year, he grew a dwindling youth program from just 12 teens to more than 150, largely due to the comfort his own social awkwardness provided to the teenagers who felt similarly disconnected.

“They just felt comfortable coming to our church because I was just as socially awkward as they were,” Hardwick said with a laugh.

In 2012, when the church’s lead pastor resigned, Hardwick was asked to step in as interim pastor. He quickly earned respect for his leadership skills and theological insight.

“He’s a master preacher,” said Asplund, who served alongside Hardwick at New Community Church. “People would come just to hear him preach.”

However, the expectations outside the pulpit presented a significant challenge for Hardwick. As a pastor, he was expected to be charismatic and approachable at all times, a role that did not come naturally to him.

“People said I looked angry or mean, that I am standoffish,” Hardwick said. He began receiving critical feedback, including comments about how he walked past people without speaking to them, something he would never intentionally do. “I knew that I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but the perception was there,” he explained.

It was this feedback that led him to seek a diagnosis in 2014, when a clinical psychologist confirmed that he was on the autism spectrum. After sharing the news with his congregation, they made adjustments to ensure Hardwick’s needs were met, such as providing support staff to handle the social and sensory demands that were challenging for him. With these accommodations, Hardwick was able to thrive in his pastoral role.

The revelation of his diagnosis sparked a broader reflection on how churches could better serve individuals on the autism spectrum. Hardwick began advocating for churches to offer sensory bags, avoid forced physical touch, and make information more accessible for individuals struggling with executive function. His focus expanded, and he began championing the inclusion of people with disabilities in general.

In 2019, Hardwick transitioned to a lead pastor role at Tri-Cities Church in East Point, Georgia, continuing his work to promote disability justice as part of the church’s core values.

“He made it as important of a topic as any other thing we did as a church,” said Jamie Stovall, who served as the kids’ pastor at Tri-Cities Church.

Hardwick’s work on disability justice culminated in his 2021 book Disability and the Church: A Vision for Diversity and Inclusion, a groundbreaking work that has become essential reading for churches striving to become more inclusive. Beth Golik of Key Ministry called it the “go-to resource” for churches looking to prioritize disability justice.

“It gives people a new perspective on the fact that this is not a niche ministry,” Golik said. “This is what our churches need to be thinking about across the board in every ministry.”

Yet, even as Hardwick was gaining national recognition for his work, his health continued to decline. In 2020, he was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer, which later returned in 2022 as stage 4 cancer, now affecting his lungs. Despite this setback, Hardwick remained active, publishing his forthcoming book How Ableism Fuels Racism, which critiques the intersection of ableism and racism in both society and the church.

“Enslaved Africans were considered inherently disabled,” Hardwick argues in the book. He discusses how ableism has historically been used to justify racism, with Black bodies being viewed as flawed and inferior. This hierarchy of bodies, he contends, extends to the church and its theological discussions.

Despite his battle with cancer, Hardwick’s resolve remains unshaken. He continues to speak at conferences on faith and disability, advocating for a more inclusive church community. His journey of faith, service, and resilience stands as a testament to his unyielding spirit.

“I will not be shaken,” Hardwick declared, quoting from the Psalms. “It doesn’t mean things are not shaking. Lots of things are shaking and moving and rocking and being flipped over all around me. But as far as my soul, I feel very solid.”

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